Crummy wins just don’t exist.

December 22, 2011 34 Comments by Sian

Merry Christmas Eve Eve Eve everybody! We’ve began (begun? began? I never know) our busy festive period of eating and drinking and watching football, and it’s started rather well on the one hand. On the other, transporty hand, it’s not going quite so swimmingly, waking up as we have this morning to the news that the Wolves match scheduled for Boxing Day will now be played the day after on the 27th.

It’s due to a Tube strike which has admittedly been threatened for a good few months now, but nevertheless, THE BASTARDS. I say that on behalf of the very many people I know of who’ve had their plans to attend the match completely and utterly bollocksed by the strike. Let’s not get political because I hate the Tube and have always hated the Tube so nothing sensible will be coming out of this mouth on the matter, but for such an expensive, slow, dirty, temperamental method of transport to screw up our football is really, really annoying. I hope people will manage to make rearrangements to their plans in order to make it to the match.

Because after all making last minute changes to plans and getting late bookings is a really easy thing to do at Christmas. Mind you, I suppose Mary and Joseph managed. Try to make friends with a charming innkeeper, that’s my advice.

Anyway, on with the football. Aston Villa away yesterday and a fairly crummy win for us. That is of course a complete oxymoron. Crummy wins win leagues. And Arsene may have given up hope of the league already but I will believe until the last minute of the last match! (He totally has not, by the way – why anyone takes anything he says seriously is beyond me. You’re being PLAYED BY A GENIUS! Obviously realistically it’s not hugely likely but I like to think that if Arsene had a blog, it’d be called ‘I believe in Arsenal more’ by a Garcon who Loves the Gunners. Except with a curly bit under the C, which I can’t work out how to do. You feel me though.)

The match last night was not broadcast on UK television, so we all had to the Stream Dance in these here parts. You all know the Stream Dance I’m sure. It’s a dance of frantic typing and Twitter pleading, hopping up and down cursing when the stream freezes, and looking around baffledly at your friends or family when something happens on the screen but you just don’t know what as the quality is so poor. Did the ball just go in the net? Did a seagull just divebomb the goal? Is that Arsenal? IS THIS FOOTBALL?!

So, it was fairly difficult to follow the match well, but it wasn’t difficult to gather that it was pretty shite. We went ahead through RvP’s penalty after Theo was held back by Someone Clarke in the area. Then after that, the Villa who’d been so utterly dire against Liverpool, played really well.

Obvs.

I managed to miss their equaliser, as our living room was doing a common improvisational add-on to the Stream Dance. It’s the chorus of “WORK YOU BASTARD, WORK!!!!!” accompanied by one member of the dance troupe thundering upstairs to check the internet connection has not been lost, while another hunts around for other streams while verbally damning the entire broadcasting world to hell. Clearly, if partaking in the Stream Dance happens to be illegal, then this blog is a work of complete fiction, as I would never do anything illegal. Never.

Anyhow, it’s just as well we missed the equaliser thanks to… errrr… Twitter and Sky Sports News going down simultaneously, as it was another born of divvy defending. It wasn’t, like, Olympiacos away bad or anything. But it was still silly. Amazingly, it was Vermaelen who started the bad times, with a very soft header to the already cautioned Per Mertesacker, who did not much with it, allowing Marc Albrighton to nab a goal.

Apparently it was the 20,000th goal in the league or something, but I’m not entirely sure as it was hardly mentioned at all by anyone once all night. You’d really think a massively memorable milestone like that ought to be mentioned more hundreds of thousands of times, really. But anyway.

We continued to be crap, allowing Villa to create some chances but what is a chance created if it is not then ended by a goal? A waste, is what. A waste. Substitutions were made for us –Emmanuel Frimpong had a poor match, and looked unhappy to be subbed, but not unhappy in a not-understanding kind of way. Just unhappy like a baby pitbull told off. Obviously everyone loves Emmanuel, but the idea of him going out on loan is certainly an appealing one. He’s great, he just needs experience and playing time. Away from Arsenal.

Rosicky came on first and made an immediately positive impact, then Arshavin and Benayoun followed in the 81st minute. Arshavin struggled to help us out (poor dude), while Yossi Benayoun did nothing less than demonstrate exactly how to be an impact sub. His goal in the 87th minute from a header he barely had to jump for was just the tonic on a night in which we’d seen 742 corners go to waste.

If my memory does not fail me, fellow shorty Jack Wilshere scored us a header at Villa Park last season. Maybe they want to get themselves some oompa-loompa-esque defenders to defend these types of corners. Tall guys just can’t see what’s going on down there at times like these.

So it was, I suppose, a hard fought win we were lucky to get. I’ll take that though. I’ll take that all day long if it means we’re still winning. We obviously lost to Man City on Sunday (I didn’t blog about it), but that was a brilliant performance in a brilliant match, which went unrewarded even though we deserved something. And not least because we did score and we did have a legitimate penalty claim. So, as Wojciech tweeted last night, sometimes winning ugly has to be done. It’s always had to be done, we’ve just been a bit useless at it.

Another positive of the match was that Vermaelen has now made a mistake. It has been 26 years – it was bound to happen some day. And the own goal against Fulham doesn’t count because he rectified that one all by himself and the own goal against Chelsea doesn’t count because we were done for anyway. He was just selflessly taking the heat off the others by giving everyone else someone to blame.

ALSO, how much do you love Yossi Benayoun? There was such an air of disappointment in the Arsenal supporting ranks when it became known we were signing him on loan. I can understand that. I may have even secretly agreed. I wanted my ‘Teta, and I wanted it now. (Totally aware of the Spanish translation of this). But he’s been ace. Granted he’s not played as much as his fellow deadline day transferee, but you’d like to think he might get a little more time on the pitch now. He also seems to be a guy everyone genuinely really likes. Maybe it’s because he’s little, but a player on loan from Chelsea who has also been at Liverpool being roundly loved by an Arsenal fanbase is quite special. Please stay longer Yoss. We’ll even make you your own un Nasri-tainted KC & the Sunshine Band song.

That’s the way (Yossi Yossi) we like it (Yossi Yossi). Maybe.

Not much left to say but Merry Christmas to anyone still reading this blog. Oh also, last week some pillocking arsebucket decided to post some nasty replies to some lovely comments on my last couple of blogs. And had called himself ‘Sian’. I’m fairly sure I know who it is, I have their IP address and their email address (possibly a fake), but he should know that if I find him, I will eat his soul. If you were one of the ones replied to, please know that I’m not a knob, and would never reply in that way to anyone. Unless you’ve been a dick first, obviously. Also, I can spell. Better luck next time, berk features.

On a more personal, self-whoring note, I’ve also joined the girls at the LPGCast (Les Petites Goonerettes),which is a brilliant little podcast with ONLY girls on it! There might be the occasional man-guest, but it’s largely all about the oestrogen over there. Check it out here. What a plethora of gorgeous accents we have!

That’s all for now. May the brussel sprouts have mercy on you. Have a merry day.

34 Comments

  1. Damien
    2132 days ago

    The Tube, as a concept, is great! It’s the people who run it who are the problem. Screw em! It makes sense for Arsenal to cancel the game the stadium, unlike Chelsea, is only really accessible by public transport and 60,000 people taking the bus might be a bit awkward.

    Reply

  2. Damien
    2132 days ago

    Oh! As for the result. The game showed, I think, that we need some more depth in the squad. Maybe another left back (gibbs will often be injured) along with a new striker. However we won so can’t complain, I hope Yossi signs for us but I guess it depends on if he is happy playing as cover?

    We missed Song as well. Frimpong doesn’t have enough experience it would seem.

    Reply

    • Sian
      2131 days ago

      He definitely doesn’t. A loan period would do him a lot of good… look at Jack for instance. And I agree on Yossi too. He seems happy here though, and hopefully more playing time (which he deserves) would keep him at the Ems a bit longer. Thanks for commenting!

      Reply

  3. Treez
    2132 days ago

    Lovely blog Siany and one which sums up all the frustration which, I imagine,those dedicated Gooners in far-away lands have to suffer on many occasions. (with the Internet streams I mean, not the performance.) And well done for shaming the stupid twat who tried to pass himself off as you. Don’t think he fooled any of your regular readers who are used to a more articulate style. Merry Christmas and here’s hoping for a good game on the day after Boxing Day.

    Reply

    • Sian
      2131 days ago

      Thanks Treezy Baby you Squaby.

      Reply

  4. Craig
    2132 days ago

    Great post. I don’t think that Yossi song will stick though.

    Reply

    • Sian
      2131 days ago

      Me neither. :(

      Reply

  5. vaders_grandfather
    2132 days ago

    Sian,

    I must admit that your posts are thoroughly entertaining. (A statement which of course does no justice to your writing.)

    The only thing I’d like to comment on, is the fact that, The Arsenal seem to have grown a rather large set of balls. When Villa equalised, I thought, “Oh cock it, where is Villa’s wonder goal to give me a shitty Christmas?”

    But it didn’t happen.

    Such was the temerity of the teams resolve, the absolute doggedness of the team refusing to give up. It really was beautiful to behold.

    I reckon many Gooners are secretly starting to wonder if The Arsenal might just be able to pull something out of the bag here. A whispered optimism if you like.

    On that note,

    Merry Christmas Sian and fellow readers.

    And a Gooner new year!

    Reply

    • Sian
      2131 days ago

      Cheers vg! Well, this is of course true. This mental strength AW’s been harping on about for years is finally appearing. Hopefully this will avoid the annual slide next spring. Let’s keep it very whispered…

      Reply

      • vaders_grandfather
        2131 days ago

        Sian,

        I thought it rude to leave a reply unreplied.

        That is all.

        Reply

  6. Alex
    2132 days ago

    “I’m fairly sure I know who it is, I have their IP address and their email address (possibly a fake), but he should know that if I find him, I will eat his soul. ”

    I’ve lost count of how many times this blog has made my day :)
    The stream dance is known to many and all Sian ;)
    Another headed goal from a corner, you say? Huzzah!

    Also, better Albrighton than Aguero for the 20k BPL goal, that £20,000 to a charity of his choice will hopefully be used well.

    Keep ‘em coming Sian, and a Merry Christmas to all my fellow readers.
    I ready the cranberry sauce in anticipation of the sprout invasion as we speak.

    To the LPGCast! ‘Clicks Here’

    Reply

    • Sian
      2131 days ago

      Aww what a lovely comment, thanks Alex! Wasn’t aware of the 20k charity thing… I guess that makes it more worthwhile than just another stat. Merry Christmas!

      Reply

  7. Dave
    2132 days ago

    Really enjoy reading your blogs and also your tweets. They are not only funny but intelligent too.. looking forward to more of the same in 2012.

    Have a great Xmas and New Year…

    Reply

    • Sian
      2131 days ago

      Thanks Dave… Merry Xmas!

      Reply

  8. RJ
    2132 days ago

    Just here to say hi to Sian ;)

    Reply

    • Sian
      2131 days ago

      Hi :)

      Reply

  9. @colinmjenkins
    2132 days ago

    Enjoyable blog. Only point of note = the curly bit would be under the c. There.

    Reply

    • Sian
      2131 days ago

      Rectified. I am aware the curly bit (whatever it’s called) turns it from Garkon to Garson, so it was a typing error. If you want to blame it on my A level Spanish and total rejection of French in Year 7 though, you can. :D

      Reply

  10. Daniel
    2131 days ago

    Such a good blog. I am sitting on a bus smiling like a maniac. You don’t smile on buses, it’s one of the rules in London, you know this. But you have turned me into a smiling wreck, as big f-ing German usual.

    The “looking around baffledly at your friends or family when something happens on the screen but you just don’t know what as the quality is so poor” may have made me giggle but I have music on headphones so can’t confirm. But I haven’t been thrown off yet, so all good.

    Love those kind of wins. United 5-0, City 3-0 last night? How dull. How uselessly dull. In the past I’ve doubted Arsene’s ability to make decent impact subs but this season he seems to have upped this part of his game. Perhaps because chucking on Denilson is no longer an option… maybe, I don’t know. Either way, love that man YOSSI – such a pro. Phone keeps making it YOSSI. I must like shouting YOSSI!!!

    As for the tube strike, UUUGH. You said all I wanna say on the matter anyway. Hope lots of drivers were hoping to see the game on their “day off” and are working on the 27th anyway.

    Have a fabulous Christmas, hope you get Tommy V under the tree ;)

    Reply

  11. Rashidinator
    2131 days ago

    Good work on the blog mrs, first time I’ve read it and have promptly bookmarked it, keep it up!

    Reply

  12. The Waffle Mafia
    2131 days ago

    Sian,

    Great blog as always.

    The little curly-cue is called a “cedilla.” It started off being attached to the letter z in some Spanish words and the name comes from the Spanish word for z (ceda/zeta).

    On Yossi, I remember Arsene saying earlier in the season that he deserved more playing time based on his work on the pitch, but the Garçon simply couldn’t figure out a way to give him what he deserved. Maybe his recent role as a substitution for either offensive or defensive reasons points to his future use.

    Have a Merry Christmas!

    Reply

  13. shegunner
    2131 days ago

    Love how Brits call estrogen “oestrogen”. Gets me every time. All those extra letters. (colour; tonne etc) Where do you find the time?

    I want Yossi to stay. Great hard worker. Takes games seriously. Perfect gentleman. Love him.

    Great blog, as always. xx Merry Christmas.

    Reply

  14. mic
    2131 days ago

    Hi,

    I’ve really enjoyed reading your blog (& tweets) in 2011 it’s great to know that there are other arsenal optimistic (arsetimistic, trying a new word) people like me in the world. Especially someone who can put paint a picture of how all us arsetimistic people are feeling into words. Merry Christmas & roll on 2012, the year of the Arsenal!!

    :-)

    Reply

    • Sian
      2126 days ago

      Arsetimistic, brilliant! Happy new year!

      Reply

  15. UncleK
    2131 days ago

    Very funny blog.
    So,it’s called the Stream Dance is it? Good to know
    See you Christmas Day…Burp

    Reply

  16. irishgray
    2129 days ago

    Sian – First and foremost, a very Merry Christmas and a happy and healthy New Year for you and your family :) Secondly, thank you for all that you do as I and everone else enjoy the blog immensely, both your wit and writing style make your’s a must read before and after every game. Keep it up Siany and enjoy the best time of year safely :)

    Reply

    • Sian
      2126 days ago

      Hope you had a lovely Christmas, have a happy new year IG. :) x

      Reply

  17. Paulo
    2129 days ago

    Merry Christmas and I shall look forward to reading your blog about our beloved Gooners Boxing Day m…. er…. 27th of December match ;)
    It’s a pleasure reading your blog and like many others it unfailingly makes me laugh and I learn many new things also!

    Reply

    • Sian
      2126 days ago

      Cheers Paulo! :)

      Reply

  18. GoonerKeith
    2129 days ago

    Hi Sian

    Your blogs have made 2011 memorable for me. Well done, happy Xmas and keep it up in 2012.

    You, me and Garcon Arsene are going to be grinning when the silverware is handed out.

    Come On you Gooners!

    Reply

    • Sian
      2126 days ago

      Garcon Arsene is now how he shall be known… even a little half rhyme in there! Thanks Keith, have happy new year!

      Reply

  19. Ben
    2127 days ago

    Hi Sian,

    Just read your piece in “so paddy got up” and had to track your blog down to tell how much I enjoyed it. It’s a fantastic bit of writing and made me wish I had a gunner family, unfortunately only my older brother’s into football and he supports man u-shited, boo, hiss! Luckily I have a young step-son to brainwash, so far he’s got a shirt from me every birthday and I’ve taken him to a couple of games so hopefully that’ll do the trick! anyway, I digress thanks for the article I’ll be following the blog in 2012, cheers

    Ben

    Reply

    • Sian
      2126 days ago

      Hi Ben,

      Thanks so much for letting me know you liked it! I’m really glad you enjoyed it. Hard luck on the brother front, but great work on the stepson front! Hope you enjoy the blog this year, happy new year.

      Sian

      Reply

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    102 days ago

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