Massive trees, massive saves and massively bad days.

December 28, 2011 10 Comments by Sian

Arsenal 1-1 Wolverhampton Wanderers

Merry After-Christmas from me and my newly-formed double chin. A calorific time of the season indeed but hey, it’s winter and the nights are getting colder. If one does not gain the weight with which one can utilize to keep oneself warm for the duration of climate hell that is January, one could die. So go ahead and keep noshing. It’s for the good of your health.

Our hastily rearranged match against Wolves yesterday made for a fairly exciting spectacle. Exciting in all the shit ways of course, but exciting all the same. You probably know already but I do hope I’m not ruining the damp squib of a surprise for you if you don’t: we drew 1-1 and RvP didn’t score. If Arsenal play a match in which van Persie does not score, did the match happen at all? It’s a pertinent question, far more pertinent than the stupid tree falling question. Of course it makes a sound. If they’d only set up a camera in the forest to watch the tree falling, they’d know this too.

Especially given the trees often used in this example seem to be giant redwoods. They don’t fall much, but if they did, I bet they’d make an almighty racket. Actually, apparently two redwoods fell in the Sequoia National Forest the other day. I found a story about it on Google News. Two German tourists were there to see it. And guess what they said? THAT THEY MADE A RACKET! I know this means that there were people there, but the trees didn’t know they had an audience and they were still massive trees falling in a forest. I think we can surmise from this that trees always make a noise when they fall in forests.

See, you came here for a football blog and ended up being a part of the debunking of one of the most stupid metaphysicalorwhatever myth question things to have ever been asked. Next week we’ll take a look at Paley’s watch theory. Tune in!

So, back to the Emirates. Gervinho and Rosicky linked up so well together to create our first goal less than ten minutes in. Gerv really took his sweet time with it as well, so I’m sure I was not the only one going “He’s gonna miss. Straight at the keeper. You watch” just as he slid the ball home. Most Arsenal supporters had probably been hoping for an early goal in order to force Wolves to put the reversing lights on on their bus and back their way out of the stadium. And, we got it. Besides the goal, other first half highlights came from RvP and Rosicky again. RvP had more time than he thought and knocked it very wide from a sliding strike with the chocolate leg (I think?), before Rosicky hit it at Hennessy.  Sandwiched in between these two moments was a goal for Wolves.

It was another one that made everyone make disgusted faces. How who and why, how who and WHY. It began with Mertesacker conceding a corner, which was cleared but only out as far as Stephen Hunt. His shot got Vermaelened, but unfortunately ended up on the head of Steven Fletcher and the ball trickled in leaving Szczesny completely wrong-footed.

What came after half time, though, was a show of complete ridiculousness. I truly, honestly, really nearly puked at one point. If we’d have scored, I’m sure my brain would have fallen out.

On 57 minutes, Vermaelen was booked by Stuart Attwell, who looked terrified as he dished out the card. As well you might, Stuboy, as well you might. I can only imagine he was served up a plate of metal for breakfast this morning. Tommy was extra Tommified yesterday. The booking for protesting Stuart’s WellTwatt decision (that there was no handball in our penalty area and that we did not deserve a penalty; also that Vermaelen is not allowed to tell Attwell some cold, hard truths about himself) paired up with the later equally wrong decision to penalise him for handball. He wasn’t just taking names yesterday, he was taking postcodes.

In other news, Nenad Milijas was sent off for a dodgy tackle on Mikel Arteta roughly fifteen minutes from time. From where I was sitting it looked bad, but I thought that even Arteta’s body language after the card had been issued was the body language of a man who didn’t think Milijas (cool name) had deserved to have been sent off. Who knows, maybe Stuey was trying to make up for constantly getting in the way, or slowing the game down to the speed of a crab denied the right to walk sideways throughout the entire match.

We absolutely hammered that penalty area, and Hennessy made some truly ridiculous saves. THIS link from Arseblog News tells you all you need to know about the stats. 73% possession for Arsenal. 26 shots for Arsenal in total. 19 in the second half alone. Probably our best chance really came from Mertesacker’s head, and the man who looked most like scoring was Vermaelen. I think that says a lot in itself, but let’s not get into that today. In spite of this battering of their box, there was probably a little voice in most people’s ears yesterday saying “Keep trying fellas. It’s never gonna happen”.

And, unfortunately, that voice proved to be more correct than the voice in my head earlier regarding the Gervinho goal. Big disappointment considering the slip-ups of other teams the day before, and the fact Wolves hadn’t scored at Arsenal since like 1984 or something. Big disappointment. Big, huge. But as Arsene has just said in his email to us all, you can’t really fault the actual performance. The circumstances leading up to their goal, yes. Attempts to right the wrongs, no. I’m sure I’m not being paranoid in thinking goalkeepers have massive games against us far more than is healthy, because I’m sure they do. I bet Hennessy ships four or five next match. I hope he bloody doesn’t, because I’ll start taking postcodes too then, but I bet he does.

We’ve not got long until we play QPR at home on the 31st now. We would have had a day longer, but TfL numpted that one up, didn’t they? In fact, sod it. Let’s just call yesterday a write-off and blame it all on the Tube. That’s what I always do with bad days.

Next: QPR.


  1. Kal
    2123 days ago

    Do you think we should start with Yossi & Tomas vs QPR? We looked much quicker in our attack than in previous games. RE: Attwell, also stood in front of RVP whilst he was tryna take an FK :-(


  2. malaysian gunner
    2123 days ago

    That’s it. Arsenal drew with Fulamd and now Wolves at home.Although Fulham also drew with Chelsea,they were thrashed 5 -0 by the red faced.I don’t know why these teams can withstand the blues and the gunners and yet are well beaten by the red faced.
    This shows Wenger has a lot of work to do.He bought Ryo,Park and Chamberlain for the future when he could have easily goyt two players who could slot into the team right away.The latest draw reminds me of the game aginst Friedel when he was with Blackburn and the one against Hull.The gunners huffed and puffed in these two games but yet could not win.
    I think Wenger better call the red faced and asked for tips.There is danger his plan aint working and the gunners could finally be unable to clinch the fourth spot.I know we still have half season to go but it” s better to take your chances when they come and sadly the gunners have been found wanting aginst a determined team playing anti soccer.


  3. gunny
    2123 days ago

    Sian, I like your blogs! I saw the game on TV in Holland (became an Arsenal supporter when Dennis Bergkamp played), and I tried to “look the ball into the goal”, but that didn’t help…


  4. MattWFC
    2123 days ago

    Hey Siany girl. Nice blog as ever. Usual plaudits to your goodself and Happy Festive Times to you and your family. My plan for 2012 is to get “Vermaelened” into the everyday speak of everyday folk. Watch this space.

    Anyway I could only watch on the streams which were as annoying as ever. If you thought (Tw)Atwell and Wolves slowed things down to annoying levels, you should have watched via a stop-start stream which buffered more than I’ve ate small Maltesers out of the Celebrations box this week. Actually, they’re not even small maltesers. Bigger in fact, and not really maltesters at all. But lovely all the same.

    Hey ho, I digress. As you and Arsene said; good performance but shit result. Wenger didn’t actually say that as he’s far too gentlemanly but he thought it.

    Glad Rosicky played well but when we’re Theo-less we really need the Ox playing wide-right as otherwise there’s no-one who’s a bit different from everyone else we have. Arteta, Yossi & Rosicky are all quite similar ball players. Technically ace, but sometimes we need someone with pace just to give us something different to look for. As it was, it was left to Tommy V and even Koscielny to try and conjure up something out of the ordinary. Which didn’t quite work out.

    Anyway, 6pts from QPR and Fulham and we’re laughing. Just a shame Spurs are being very unSpurs like. Cheerio.


  5. Alex
    2122 days ago

    ‘If one does not gain the weight with which one can utilize to keep oneself warm for the duration of climate hell that is January, one could die. So go ahead and keep noshing. It’s for the good of your health.’

    Are you by any chance a nutritionist Sian?

    The tree falling theory is ridiculous, I was glad to take part in the debunking lol. Need to do a bit of reading up on Paley’s watch one though, Google is at the ready and raring to go, similar to AOC who I was disappointed not to see step onto the pitch with 12 or so minutes to go, but Wenger knows, and I’m sure he has a master plan :D

    I like coming to this blog, I get a great read and wise words, in addition to the nutiritonist style advice, writing of the game on TfL and the Tube seems good to me.

    Keep up the good work! :)

    And does a little birdie tell me that the King of Highbury is returning to the Emirates Staium?
    Stay tuned folks…

    Onwards to the 31st! COYG!!!


  6. Andrew H
    2122 days ago

    “the speed of a crab denied the right to walk sideways”

    The funniest thing I have heard/read in months.


  7. Alan
    2122 days ago

    Brill again, bird.


  8. vaders_grandfather
    2121 days ago


    Indeed a very frustrating game to watch. I had this crazy notion where I thought that Arsene should bring on the Ox. That burst of pace to get that yard or two behind the backs (despite an entire fleet of cross country buses parked in the area),who would be like that crazy cyclist that weaves in and out of the traffic. Much like Arshavin used to do.

    But alas! We only got the Morrocan Minger.

    Also the BFG’s distribution from the back was interesting to watch in the second half. He seemed to be able to give twenty or thirty yard passes to his team mates and peel open the entire Wolve’s midfield.

    Attwell is about as competent a ref as Robert Mugabe is at democracy. He should do the Premier League a favour and cut of his own legs like that bloke in SAW.

    Then have them stitched on upside down and backwards and made to moonwalk over hot beach sand.

    As for malaysian gunner’s comments about The Arsenal falling apart, I would like to remind you that not too long ago we were lying 17th on the log. Are we frustrated we didn’t get the three points? Of course. Are we mad that RVP could not score. Hell yes.

    But I reckon I would rather take a kick in the face than ask that ol’ red nose for anything.

    Right, enough of that Sian, seems like all of us have 132 paragraphs to write for you today.

    When is a good time to stop telling you how awesome your blog is?


  9. UncleK
    2120 days ago

    A 1-1 draw,but a winning blog.Still haven’t seen a second of this game
    yet,but your powers of description make up for that.
    Excellent article in the little red book,by the way{and not just cos I
    got a mention}.


  10. irishgray
    2118 days ago

    Happ New Year Sian! :)


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