We’re two weeks into the new season and I don’t think I’ve ever felt lower about football before in my life. Not about Arsenal per se. Arsenal haven’t really done anything to hugely annoy me lately. In terms of absolutely everything else, though, I’m full to the brim with ‘whatev’. This is probably how it feels to get to the end of a marriage and feel like you really can’t be arsed to try any more.
There’s very little happening that’s not truly hateful, in the foreseeable future. The transfer window can go take a big fat running jump off a massive pile of fuck off dust, especially. I am SO SICK of transfer rumours. I am SO SICK of hearing about wages and fees and medicals and terms. I am SO SICK of men my age dictating to decades old clubs about what they want and when they want it and how they want it and the ways in which they want to be paid it.
Fuck. Off. I hate you. I HATE YOU. I’m tired of having to care about players who’ve done the off. It’s extremely fatiguing. I’m tired of hearing empty words from the mouths of morons who can kick a ball quite well, pledging their futures to clubs they’ll later shit all over when the going gets tough. They are bastards. They are bastards who must be brought down.
It’s a beautiful game but Christ Almighty there’s a hell of a lot of ugly running through its clapped out old veins at the moment. And look, I’m not jumping on the Olympic bandwagon here. Much as the Olympics were wonderful and the athletes beautiful and the stories inspiring, the whole ‘Football could learn from this’ crap that kept being said was a load of old bollocks really. It was great seeing all these other sports in the limelight, but when all was said and done, we were all counting down the days until the return of the football league season. Because football is better than most other sports. It’s full of shit, but it is still inherently better. And because we are absolute mugs, claro.
Football is hideous at the moment. Fans are too. I know this post has exclusively been me moaning but MY WORD don’t we like a whinge up! There are people who latch onto bad news like it’s absolutely a given fact. ‘We absolutely will not sign anyone this window.’ Maybe that’s worrisome. But do you know what?
I DON’T GIVE A MONKEY’S. But there’s been more online activity in this past month than there is at the height of the season. Earlier on today there was a lovely little interlude of actual football news, in the guise of the Champions League draw. We drew Schalke, Olympiacos and Montpellier, by the way. You might have missed the news, as it was only the basil garnish in the monster feast of a sandwich with extra chips that is TRANSFER DEADLINE WEEK.
Knob off. Maybe we do need reinforcements. In fact, I’m quite sure we do. If we get those, how marvellous it will be. But stop your fucking obsessing over a player who might or might not materialise. Stop getting attached like its via the means of the umbilical cord to your mama, to some randomo player you’ve had to Youtube. You really didn’t think he was all that before we missed out on him to that team.
It’s sometimes easy to forget, in the doom and gloom that surrounds Arsenal in particular, that we’re actually quite good. Remember when van Bollocks pissed off up to the shit place? Actually, remember even earlier when he released his arsey little statement (GUYYYYYYYYYYYYS)? And everyone was all ‘Ohhhhh nooooooo, what are Arrrrrrsenal gonna doooooo now? Robin van Peerrrrrrrrsie’s leffffft them in a cloud of doooooooooooom! They shall die! They shall shrivel up and they shall be DEADDDDDDD!’
Piss off mate. Arseface has gone indeed. He now resides in the rainy place (though I heard rumours he’s not moved there properly yet? I WOULDN’T EITHER HAHAHA!) Song’s gone too. No more heart attacks when the darling little dope ploughs on up on one of his skillzy little showcases of talent. Ta-ra! Theo Walcott might or might not go. I’m really struggling to be bothered either way. Perhaps it’s the new broken me that is struggling to muster up any enthusiasm. It’s nothing against Theo. It’s surely impossible to hold too much of any kind of grudge against Theo Walcott? Even his name sounds like a company who makes butter. But I just think this little fiasco has come at a bad time. I’m all out of bothered juice and I surely can’t be the only one.
Every time I access Twitter, there’s more doom. I have been unfollowing like a maniac lately. In fact, the only time anyone is happy is when they’re talking about the ACTUAL FOOTBALL! You remember, that ball game we all once cared about? Of course you don’t, it’s been so long since we last cared about it.
But hold on one second, I’m hearing [random player] is moving to [irrelevant club] for [slightly excessive] million pounds and on a [couldntgiveashit] long deal. Now THAT’S excitement! This is the feeling we line the seats of football stadiums up and down the country for!
Honestly. Football and football fans. You’re really being arseholes at the moment.