Hindsight, you’ve put on weight, you chub.
I think I knew today was going to be shit when Mo Farah was announced onto the pitch as we were stood outside absolutely nowhere near being able to be inside even though normally we’re in there with 25 minutes to go until kickoff. Oh well, I’m sure he’ll win two golds again and have another set of cute twin babies to parade along the touchline once more in 2016.
So anyway, today ended up being the first shit day of our season, which is really quite amazing as compared with last season’s bollocksathon. Then again, most teams’ starts have been better than that. Most teams’ starts will always be better than that. Even teams that don’t play football. Even teams that aren’t teams.
Regular human people have had better starts to the season than our start to the 2011-2012 season.
So, that’s a plus. A big fat ugly negative is of course the fact we lost to Chelsea, who are the most hateable of all the teams. There’s just something inherently hateable about them (some team members, but nearly all of their fans). Like cholera and war and leprosy. Particularly leprosy. Hate leprosy. Chelsprosy.
They scored two goals from two free kicks given needlessly away by Thomas Vermaelen. I’m one of his biggest fans and always have been, we know this, but I have been very much irritated by him lately. I don’t know if it’s because he answers every single question with exactly the same thing. He says so much without saying anything at all. Maybe he’s just sensible and doesn’t want to get caught up in the wankery of talking about how much he loves his team before doing a Dutchman and skipping the bastardish little skip to Manchester next year. I prefer that to the Badger Dutchman’s method of talking, getting his wife and dad and daughter’s Cabbage fucking Patch doll to harp on about his love.
But I still find it annoying. Perhaps it’s also because of his continued friendship with said Skunk Headed Skeletor. I can’t decide. But either way. Little irritated. VERY irritated today after the goals. We didn’t cover ourselves in any glory in conceding the easy goals either. I mean even Fernando Barbie, who exclusively lies on the floor, scored. And then the other was scored by our own player. Whaaaat.
This has been the biggest talking point. Koscielny and Vermaelen starting. They hooked up pretty well against Chelsea away last season, even if they didn’t have many minutes together (Vermaelen was a late sub if you remember – his first match back after injury). But Per Mertesacker has been wonderful this season. This time last, we were all about the Koscielny/Vermaelen. But now that has changed. Talk of ‘rotation’, no, who rotates in a match like Chelsea? I think Koscielny started because AW thought he would work best against the opposition. He was wrong, obviously.
Had Mertesacker got injured, people would have gone ‘SHOULDA ROTATED’. If Mertesacker had had a nightmare, people would have gone ‘HE DOESN’T SUIT THIS MATCH, SHOULDA STARTED KOSCIELNY, WENGER CAN’T DO TACTICS.’ So much hindsight, and so little use to any of us. ‘Course, had Koscielny played spectacularly, people would have gone ‘Waheeeeeey, AW does tactics.’
If Vermaelen hadn’t had flu last week, maybe Koscielny wouldn’t have started. Maybe someone else would have scored in Koscielny’s place, but maybe he wouldn’t. Hindsight you odious bitch, I’ve always hated you. Have you gained weight, or is today’s outfit just not very flattering?
And of course, that entire paragraph is irrelevant, but any arguments against it are also irrelevant. I didn’t think there was that much in it at all, and we could easily have had a draw from it. Giroud’s chances come to mind. We hit the bar once, the post once and forced a save from Cech that must have been so quick, I actually didn’t see it. And scored an own goal of course. Liverpool twatted [some team] today, so obviously their run of bad luck is over. Yeeshk, now maybe it’s our turn. Hope not though.
I wish Giroud would be given more minutes on the pitch. I was a bit surprised he didn’t start today actually, but WOOPS hindsight again. It was essentially a bad day at the office (hate that phrase), and one we can only hope to improve upon significantly by Wednesday night. Just so much of the complaining afterwards seems so excessive. Arsenal didn’t lose this match simply to spite you.
Giroud wasn’t thinking ‘Man fuck that bitch in the third row there, I want her to have a proper shit day today, I’MMA MISS!’ Koscielny wasn’t all ‘Hahaaaa, look at that silly twat in the upper tier. HE needs bringing back down to earth today, allow me to put my berk boots on!’
As sectioned off as we are as Arsenal fans, you are of course a positive or a negative. You can’t say anything good without being a happy clapper, or say anything bad without being a misery. And now we have a new brand, the sarcasms. The sarcasms who sarcasm about the positive ones after a match. Or the negatives ones. I love sarcasm when I do it, but when others do it, I want to punch them in their big fat faces. So now we have the positives, the negatives, the sarky positives and the sarky negatives. Next month we’ll have the sarky positives supersarking to hide their negativity and vice versa. Who else’s brain hurts?
Let me do the positive tango here, and I’m sure someone will do the negative foxtrot in the comments: Jenkinson and Gibbs were both excellent today. According to @Orbinho, Gibbs made more tackles today than any player has in any match so far this season. I’d say they were probably about the only positives though, along with Gervinho’s goal of course.
Today was bad. Bad because we let them win as opposed to Chelsea making us lose. Is that more annoying or less worrying? I don’t know. But a team lauded for their amazingness last week can’t be kicked to bits for their shitness this week. We were always going to lose at some point.
Maddening as it was (and it really was maddening), it’s equally maddening to see such epically horrendous conclusions drawn from it. Can you really say we’ve not got enough to do anything decent this season? I don’t think you can. And you KNOW you would say the same to me if I suggested we have shown we’ve done enough to do anything this season. Let’s see in a a few weeks. The spirit shown so far has been great, let’s just see how great it is after a loss.
Hopefully it won’t be lost.
That would be shit.
And I realise this post is a bit of a madzer but ARSENAL I LOVE YOU PLEASE GO BACK TO BEING GOOD NEXT WEEK. The autumn of discontent is rolling in and our plants simply cannot flower without you.