Five hundred thousand million days of summer.
Hi. I wrote my last blog one month ago today. It was a bit gloomy, but still ended with a hopeful thought on Higuain’s signing. Reading it back now, it reminds me of my 2011 blogs, in which I remained adamant we were going to win the league right up until Bolton away on 24th April, when my dreams came crashing down around me.
Ah, d’you remember those days? Times of slipping to second after Manchester United or Chelsea went and won in their late Saturday kick offs after we’d drawn at home with Villa? I miss those days. Finishing second now seems like some kind of other world. But hey ho, on we go.
The Higuain we were supposed to sign a month ago ended up signing for Napoli (whoooooooooo?) last month. I think so anyway, he’s definitely posed with Benitez and a big cake, so one can only assume that the deal is done now. I prefer that to Twitter announcements and players holding shirts up.
‘Here’s Arsene Wenger and Bernard having a doughnut, more follows,’ that would be much better.
This summer has been a bit of a funny one actually, because although it seems to be speeding by and although Villa at home (oh god please don’t draw) is only two weeks and two days away now, it’s actually crawled by ever so slowly due to all the tedium. I’m sure it’s at least March next year by now. We’ve managed to find a new heir to the nation’s throne, but still no defensive midfielder. The Asia tour went very well, and we beat the continent about 75-3 or something. Podolski was really funny as well, but mostly all the players did was talk about how much we need more players. I generally think players don’t really care about the quality of the people they’re playing with because they are after all extremely selfish creatures who don’t really care about anyone but themselves.
When the going gets tough, they’ll always flee the sinking ship, while talking out the other side of their mouth about the love and respect they have for the ship they’re about to help sink as they clamber up onto the much less holey ship to its right. It’s very much a case of ‘I’m alright Jack’ with footballers, so to hear Giroud, Jack (a different Jack), Szczesny, and so on and so forth talking about wanting reinforcements kind of makes me think they’d all quite like to stay here and make a go of this league, but that they’ll find it much easier if we’re just a bit better.
Given the team does look to be in quite good nick and that the atmosphere within it looks quite healthy, maybe it’s a case of not wanting to bring in anyone who could unsettle that. Which probably goes some way to explaining why the one player we do keep hearing things about is this Luis Suarez. I’m used to having never heard of the players Arsene wants to sign, but I googled and I googled and I really couldn’t find much very much info out there about this guy. Anyone seen him play? Anyway, I’m sure being a relative unknown in this country will really help him settle into the team if we do sign him. He’ll be quiet and probably quite anonymous on the pitch until, say, mid-October, but I expect we’ll see the best of him after that. He’s quite pricey. More of these kind of players, please. We wouldn’t want to rock the boat.
The only other player being vaguely mentioned is Cesc Fabregas. Unfortunately, we appear to be an afterthought and most of the stories involve him moving to Manchester United.
He himself is remaining quiet, but the chattin’ breeze syndrome that infected all of Barcelona two years ago seems to have now gotten into the systems of all of the Manchester United players. Much as the booming rallying cry of David de Gea would spark me into immediate action, Cesc, bafflingly, still hasn’t said a lot. I hope he remains in Barcelona, because although there’s this really complicated clause about Barcelona needing to accept a bid in order for our buyback clause to be activated, I feel that it’s far too much of a risk, particularly knowing Arsenal the way I do.
One of my favourite Tweeters/people Chrissy Teigen asked her followers the other day how much money they’d have to be paid to agree to being shot in the chest while wearing a bulletproof vest. She said, crucially, that she could not promise you’d survive it. If you survived, you’d get your money. If you didn’t, you’d still be poor. Also dead. This feels a very accurate representation of the Cesc troubles to me. Man United could have a bid accepted and we could swoop in and buy our man back, or we could just sit there gormlessly and watch as he moves to Man United and we’re left sitting there eating glue. Is it worth the risk? I dunno. This summer’s been so painfully tedious that but for the fact Cesc to Man United makes ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE to me, it’s so utterly absurd that it could probably happen. Sure why wouldn’t he leave his boyhood club for a rotten city that can’t stop raining? Why wouldn’t he want to play under Snitchy McGee? I bet he’d especially love to buy out the rest of his contract purely in order to twist that knife just a little further through Wenger’s ribs.
Just imagine, Flappy Arms and Cesc reunited at United. The Kubler Ross model wouldn’t know what to do with itself. Like I say, we might swoop and he might come back, and then I think everything would be OK, because nothing bad can happen when we’ve got a Cesc. Equally though, he could go to Man United and then I suppose I could become a nun. So, I hope he stays put for now.
Anyway, sorry to sound so miserable, the good news is that it’s very exciting to think we’re only two weeks from seeing the players we do love and have, it just would be so nice to have some new ones to look forward to as well. As an Arsene lover as well, I just wish he’d make it a bit easier for himself. You don’t need to be abused by people who can’t spell, Arsene! It’s still only 1st August and most of our transfer business does seem to happen in August, so let’s remain positive if we possibly can.
I’m looking forward to being totally wrong to have ever doubted us as we supermarket sweep the arse out of the good player aisle obviously, but until then there’s not really very much more to say.