No excuses for un-jetlagged, lurgy-free Arsenal
The last time I wrote a blog, ‘twas the day before Halloween and we’d just lost to Chelsea. Today ‘tis the night before Christmas Eve and oh dear that is unfortunate timing. In spite of all the things against us ahead of tonight, however, I have a feeling we will win.
I didn’t have a feeling we would win last Saturday, because it was away to Manchester City three days after playing and losing away to Napoli. We’ve had nine days now to do nothing but have a few days abroad, rest the old legs, do a bit of training, and dress up as cartoon characters. If that’s not an ideal week before Christmas, someone quite frankly needs to point out exactly what is.
I’ve not been watching Chelsea, because they make me queasy, but it doesn’t seem they’ve been at their peak lately. Mourinho has been doing his ‘LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME LOOK AT MEEEEE’ thing on a turbo setting in recent days also, so it seems now is a good time to play them.
A time that was not a good one to play a rival (haha) came last month when we lost away at Manchester (hahaha) United (hahahahahaaaaaaahaha). Half the team had come down with some sort of lurgy and then Greyhair scored a solitary goal and they got to act as though everything was all OK even though we know they all cry themselves to sleep every night these days. By the way, I really think our players just need to spend more time eating dirt – there is simply no way grown men should have as flimsy immune systems as they apparently do. But anyway now, now is a good time to play a rival, particularly as it is the first game in another gauntlet of games spanning the next 12 days.
The City performance was pretty dire. We did manage to score three goals in a stadium in which the home side has only let in two all season and the fact two came from a player who’s been resting loads lately kind of highlighted how knackered everyone else was, but it was still poor poor poor. Giroud got absolute dogs’ abuse on Twitter after failing to convert numerous chances almost put his way – ‘donkey’ was the word I saw used most, largely from people who coincidentally look kind of like donkeys themselves – and he looked most knackered of all. I suppose when you’re carrying that much extra body around and when every ball you go for involves having to fight a big fat defender away from you, tiredness will indeed be a side effect.
I saw him in Selfridges with his wife this week, by the way. I had a Christmas work party hangover and rain hair, so as if I was going to share a frame with him, but my God he’s massive. Looked exactly as I’d expected otherwise, but his head almost reached the Christmas Emporium (which is on level FOUR).
Two players we will/may lack this evening are Jack Wilshere and Laurent Koscielny. Jack’s two-match ban seems a little harsh given his middle figured gesture was funny and deserved, but God it’s just so dull having a go at the FA these days that who can really be arsed. Being annoyed when they get things wrong is kind of like throwing a hissy fit when your microwave forgets to pick you up from the airport. Laurent Koscielny, on the other hand, is apparently only a doubt after cutting his knee quite badly during one of City’s sundry goals last weekend. If Vermaelen plays (and I hope he does), hopefully he’ll go further to proving that he’s still an option as well as captain. Ohhhhh and btw, people talking about him losing the captaincy to Mertesacker should stop talking and remember those funny days when they wanted Jack to be captain last season, and when they thought Arsenal’s 126 year history was dead and buried because he looked like he was crying after the Bayern Munich home match. LOL AT YOU.
Oh God speaking of which, how annoyed were you by our Champions League draw last week? Bayern poxy Munich? We’ve played them; I don’t want to play them again! There should be a rule against that. And we played them less than a year ago too. I’d have sooner we got Barcelona again! How very, very dull.
So back to tonight and a loss makes us fourth (remember when that was a good thing?) but a win puts us back top. It will really make Christmas if we do beat them and, even though it won’t be the end of the world if we lose, it’ll make the whole festive period taste like sprouts if we don’t. There are no excuses this time. Just once I want to play a big game where we can’t blame losing on the broken nose, the buzzer, or the fact we thought we were getting mono.