As covered in my last post back in the summer of ’62, football’s been getting me down lately and not just because of our current predicament. There’s just so much silliness flying about here, there and everywhere, and very much more bad than good it has seemed. With old Ferguson exiting stage left, Moyes heading over to Manchester, and Mancini being unceremoniously dumped a year after he won the League at Loftus Road, the whole Premiership is still spinning like it just got off the waltzers. Ferguson’s departure made me a bit sad, because it really is the end of an era. Longevity isn’t really the in thing nowadays. Will it ever be again?

I digress. It gets a bit annoying when you read a blog that goes “I think… I feel… I said… I’ve always thought… I, I, I, listen to me and my thoughts, I…” but what can I say, I’m extremely self-centred. Anyway, I do have a point I’m about to get to so bear with me. Clickedy click out if you ain’t down with that.

On Saturday I went to the FA Cup final at Wembley with my dad. He went to a charity do ages ago (like, pre- Blackburn style ages ago) and came home with two tickets to the final. I think that was probably the moment in which it was confirmed that we would not be reaching the final, so I can only apologise on his behalf. Anyway, it’s spring time, so the two of us arrived at the stadium soaked to the bone and only really thinking “Please get tired or maimed, Wigan (soz)”. It would have been nice to have seen a Wigan win, but I don’t think anyone but the Wigan fan with the blog name as stupid as something like “From a Girl Who Loves the Latics” really believed it was going to happen.

In the run-up to the game there had been an awful lot of cynicism. Budweiser is, after all, a stupid sponsor for a competition as magnificent as the FA Cup. A 5.15 kickoff is also stupid. As is the fact the game is now played before the end of the season. I think that’s probably the stupidest of all the stupid things. By the way, does anyone remember that Budweiser advert from ages ago when it became official beer of the Premier League? It was funny, but has sadly become a bit true. (I still say ‘Any-tiiiiime multi-ball’ every time a new ball comes out in Champions League games).

The seats were in the Wigan end but in Club Wembley, so people were told to not wear replica shirts. Lots had ignored, and we were surrounded by a multitude of City and Wigan fans, which I liked. Wembley’s not a very nice stadium, the weather was grim and it was all BUDWEISER BUDWEISER BUDWEISER all up in your grill every which way you looked. However, I still found myself looking around and thinking ‘I love football’. Wigan aren’t exactly notorious for their passionate fans, but seeing a child with his or her face painted blue and white and wearing a dopey hat will always pull at the heartstrings. Somehow, in amid all the corporate bollocks that is today’s football, you could still feel the weight of the occasion. It’s the FA flaming Cup. Fifteen years ago it was the first football game I watched, as we sealed the double against Newcastle. I think I’d like to win it again as much as I’d like to win the Champions League.

Obviously, Wigan went on to very unexpectedly win, which has now made the whole idea of this blog a little bit twee, but little team triumphing over big team is not what I’m getting at. As an aside, how irritated must City fans get every time they lose? I know people love to see Arsenal lose, but they LOVE to see City and all the nasty money boys lose. And the chant “Where were you when you were shit?” always makes me flinch a bit, because most of them were there when they were shit. Unlike those who choose to stop being arsed about football due to a ‘lack of ambition’. By that token, when we start spending money and ‘showing ambition’, will people be allowed to sing ‘Where were you when you were shit?’ then? Asking for a friend.

Football is still MOSTLY crap, obviously, but Saturday was a nice reminder to me that when all is said and done, and when all the money is spent (or not, as the case may be), it still all boils down to eleven men against eleven and you and your son or daughter heading off to the match hoping against hope that your team will come away victorious. When it doesn’t work out, it just makes the next time it does, all the sweeter. Anyway, congratulations to Wigan, one couldn’t fail to be moved by the ensuing celebrations.

Unfortunately, they came back down to earth with a bang last night as we beat them 4-1, relegating them in the process and putting us back to fourth in the league (this is the main reason the Cup final being played before the end of the season is bloody stupid). As we keep saying, it’s all in our hands against Newcastle now, hands that are probably coated in oil and all holey, but in them nonetheless. If we finish fourth, we’ll all go ‘Yay’ and look forward to a summer of signings with no danger of losing anyone vital (PLEASE DON’T GO BAC) . If we finish fifth, it will feel like the end of the world, because uglies will have finished ahead of us and will therefore have all the clout with signings over the summer. Kinda digressing from my main thread of the beautiful game here, no?

But you know I mean they’re still Spurs. If they don’t Spurs it up and they do finish fourth, they’ll still be Spurs. We’re still Arsenal. I have faith we’ll still be able to attract players if necessary (conversely, it’s not as if they’ve failed to attract players without Champions League and it’s not as if we’re Falcaoing all over the chequebook). It’s probably more the sense of the unknown that is making people poo their pants than the actual aftermath of us not finishing in the top four. What will be, will be, though I doubt these will be the words coming out of my mouth on Sunday afternoon. It’s a difficult fixture at a difficult ground and they’ll be more rested than us, but we know what we have to do. If we don’t do it, little blame can be apportioned elsewhere.

Third, fourth, or fifth, most people’s main concern is that at some point next season, we’ll get to paint our faces like pillocks and head off to an overly commercial lump of concrete stadium in the pouring rain, with Budweiser or similar, watching our eleven taking on their eleven and believing for 90 minutes or more, no matter how many times it all goes arse upwards, that eventually, it’ll be worth it.

Still, an away win is an away win is an away win, except of course when it’s against Bayern Munich where no one ever wins except Arsenal, but Arsenal went and won and still lost.

We’ve also just received news that the preeeeeeeetty harsh red card shown to the eeeeeeeven prettier Olivier Giroud late on at Craven Cottage will not be rescinded. It was probably an overly optimistic appeal we made because we are of course Arsenal, but we’re now left with no choice but to not play him for the next three games. Which is super, because fortunately he and his left-footed Frenchness were just getting right in the way of the vast pool, nay OCEAN of eager striking options we have to play with. Thank Heavens for that red card, in fact, I was thinking we’d never ever get to finally see what Invisibley McNoFace could do in front of goal with his air legs.

Thanks FA. THANKS FOR THE OPPORTU-NI-TY.

On Sunday, City, who win Most Pointless Heap of Shit award in the annual Defending Your Title Like A Team of Fucking Dust Motes awards, lost to Spurs, who are keeping the pressure up on Arsenal like only Spurs can’t. We’ll see whether they’ll crumble or not. They are Spurs of course, so them Spursing wouldn’t be a surprise to anyone, but given this season has been an absolutely hairy bastard, let’s not hold our breaths on that one.

Then yesterday, Man U finally put everyone out of their misery and won the league at Aston Villa. I for one am glad, because the idea of us having to see them win it at our stadium is an idea that brings on the vomz again, and is something we are only allowed to do to them. We’ll have to guard of honour them at the Emirates of course, but that is preferable to the other option, so I’m not all that bothered. It does of course mean Mr. van Keeps-Little-Boys-In-His-Arse  Persie will get to be there all gleeful with his spacky arms and his shit face, but that’s a possibility I’d accepted a while ago anyway. “Ooh well he made the right decision then”, yes he obviously did and we knew he was making the right decision then, but it’s a sick decision that should be set fire to because it meant he was taking the easy option and leaving Arsenal and that makes him a prick. It’s really that simple, I fail to see how others don’t see this.

So, it’s not been a great week, though it is very easy to forget that we did actually win on the weekend – so it’s not really been that bad at all, given what it would have been had we not held right on until the end. Four games left to go before we can buy no one in the summer while Bayern Munich buys all the people that are alive, and we start the first of those four games against Man U on Sunday. I don’t really care how we play as long as we win, because their season might be over but ours most certainly is not.

I feel like it was pouring when we lost at Carrow Road earlier in the season? Or was that just the Villa game? Maybe it was only raining in my heart. Either way, the rain lashed down yesterday afternoon, and it looked the kind of game we were going to slip up in – literally and figuratively. As it turned out, only Bacary Sagna slipped up at one point… with no one around him, and no explanation as to why, it was very funny.

With 60 minutes gone, you’d better believe we were all whinging like never before. It wasn’t that we were bad, it was just that we looked about as sharp as a sippy cup. What was (and is) so infuriating is that it was a game billed as being one we were likely to stumble over in. If we know this, why do we continue to stumble so? We gave every indication of having the wherewithal with which to beat Norwich quite comprehensively, but we wasted SO many chances. I don’t think Norwich had a shot on target until their goal in the 56^th minute.

Of course, gears changed quite obviously once they did score. There wasn’t much Fabianski could do about the goal, but whoever the hell scored it was left completely unmarked by anyone in his zone. I suppose there’s the easy way, the hard way, and then the Arsenal way, which includes a mid-match kip for them and the risk of stroke for us. The free kick given against Gibbs to set up their goal didn’t look to be a free kick at all to me. Admittedly I’m up the other end of the pitch, and if yesterday’s match told us anything, it’s that those with long distance views have no right to claim witness to anything.

Anyway, on came Theo and Podolski and off came a very off the pace Jack Wilshere (he’s allowed to be once in a while) and Gervinho. I think people would probably have preferred that Giroud had been the one to make way, and even Wenger said he didn’t have the liveliest of first halves, but given his serious contributions in the last third of the match, we’re probably fortunate that he stayed on.

We continued to thoroughly frustrate. Podolski knocked it out, then we hit the bar, then people kept thinking Theo was faster than he actually is. Things got louder though. Given the Emirates gets so much stick for its quiet home crowd, I tend to find visiting fans are pretty useless too. Not so with Norwich, their fans were really good. Ours weren’t, until it was needed. It ain’t a singing contest though, know what I mean?

The penalty incident seems to have caused a bit of controversy, but not for the traditional ‘was/wasn’t’ reasons. This time we’ve apparently gone down the route of questioning whether a linesman was correct to see something he seems to have seen correctly. Such a bizarre line of argument. Well there’s also a question of whether the corner that led to it was actually a corner, but the fact people are sticking to the linesman thing is just so strange. You’ve GOT to watch Sky’s coverage of the game just for all the Tony Gale. I’ve never heard such blatant bias in my entire life, and that includes the many times I’ve heard my own mouth say things. Laughing at Norwich’s timewasting (well in fairness, we were all doing that by the end of the game lollllllllll), continuously reminding us ignorant viewers that the players were well within their rights to be doing so, absolutely audibly HEARTBROKEN when we did eventually score, and then claiming at 2-1 that it was all so controversial that we were ahead. Not too much chat of whether their free kick for their goal was soft, though.

Arteta stepped up to take the penalty like a Spanish knight with beautiful Spanish hair, completely unflustered by the antics of the Norwich players buzzing around him like little bees. I can’t believe I ever doubted him but, collapsed on my sister’s shoulder as I was, doubt him I did. Our second was all Alex really, and completely uncontroversial except for the question of whether Giroud or Bassong will claim it. And then our third was little bit offside. Oh well! For a man so rigid in his substitutional choices, Arsene really did get them completely right this time. It was great for Podolski to score, given all the murmurings about his potential summer departure, but the idea of him being unhappy at Arsenal is just obviously complete and utter rubbish.

Aaron Ramsey has been awarded MOTM for the game with 29% of the vote and he so was (interestingly, Giroud got 24%… up yours, man-who-sat-behind-me!) I think of all the players we have, Ramsey is the one I want to succeed the most. You must watch this video and try not to cry like I definitely didn’t. It’s all coming up Rambo!

We’ve got Everton on Tuesday (oh good, never any linesman controversies in that game), which will no doubt be a lot tougher than Saturday and especially if we play as poorly as we did for 85 minutes then, but at present we’re in a good position in the league and as John Cross and Philippe Auclair said in the SWOL Hangout last Sunday (SMOOOOOOOOTH LINKAGE!), we are quite in control of our own destiny at the moment.

Obviously this could change at any second on Tuesday, so please boys, turn up from minute one this time.

We did somehow manage to do a SWOL Google Hangout again this Sunday, and Hayley, Zana and Sarah (@HayleyWright, @r_zana and @wolvenal) made this week’s one possibly the most enjoyable yet, which is odd given there was very little news to speak of. But we managed.

Otherwise, today is a day like all others – except for one reader, whose birthday it is. His Arsenal views probably influence mine more than any other, and he’s my go-to person for reassurance that all is better than it usually actually is. He should probably have his own blog and podcast, so sensible yet heart-before-heady are his views. He’s testament to the fact you don’t have to be an obsessive Tweeter to be a passionate fan, and is potentially the biggest Arsenal fan I currently know. He’s one of my blog’s most loyal readers and one of the two main reasons I’m an Arsenal fan today – actually he’s one of the two main reasons I’m a breathing human today. And while all of these Arsenal traits are all well and good, they are only a small part of why he is by far the greatest Al the world has ever seen.

So, while it may just be Thursday (and payday and pre-Bank Holiday weekendday woooooooo) for the rest of us, it’s a brighter day than usual for one reason and one reason alone: it’s my dad’s birthday. Happy birthday Daddy!

HBD

I told myself I’d turn off the telly at 0-2 down. Obviously I wouldn’t have, and the same me who crumbled at 7.42pm GMT and legged it upstairs to put my Arsenal shirt on would have stayed there in front of the screen until the grim death, holding my poor, useless, beaten man’s hand as he coughed up blood while angry-sounding men danced all around him.

Just don’t get embarrassed. Please don’t get embarrassed. Maybe we’d all fallen for all the sick-making statty Bayernathon that took place in all its technicolour pukey pukey pukey glory both before and after the first leg, but I really felt this match was a case of the Year 6s going up against the University’s first XI. With Jack out and Szczesny seemingly dropped, more and more people were telling us Wenger was resting his big players, which was annoying. Understandable, given our chances, but why were we intentionally reducing the bony-arsed chance we did have by playing the reserves?

Well, it turned out we weren’t, because Arsene Wenger was back in the building. Iain Macintosh pointed out to Arseblog that had Mr. W been Mr. M, he’d probably have been given more credit. Unfortunately, it’s the in thing to batter the rangy Frenchman these days, so any praise afterwards will certainly have been given begrudgingly.

Anyway, the stronger XI started with Fabianski’s replacement of Szczesny the only real unforced change to what would probably be considered our best XI. Vermaelen may be captain of his team and Lord of my heart, but his performances of late have not been those of a man with the right to automatically start. Another gamble was probably putting Gibbs in having just returned from injury, and not quite fully 100% fit.

When the clock hit minute two, I thought “Well phew, at least the match report won’t at any point say (1″ Robben). Then, “Well phew, at least the match report won’t at any point say (2″ Kroos). Then “Well phew, at least the match report won’t at any GAAAHHH OH MY GOD GIROUD GIROUD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!!!” He’d got himself in front of goal and after some sexy work by Rosicky and Ramsey, had got his foot on the end of a Theo cross/shot. As Gunnerblog noted immediately after, whatever happened, he needed that goal. But NO. NO, we must not hope. Hope is the harshest bitch in the world. She will rob your heart and empty your wallet. NEVER AT ANY POINT SUCCUMB TO HOPE. But then a few minutes passed without the traditional equaliser, and the little bitch started to get under our skin. No, not Muller, the WHINGIEST MAN IN THE WORLD (except Giroud), but hope. Bastarding bitchface hope.

Time ticked by, and our touch was off. So off, that at one point when yet another pass just went straight off the pitch, I shouted “JESUS IT’S NOT BEEN THIS BAD SINCE BRADFORD.” Bayern’s attempts outnumbered ours by quite a shocking amount, but Fabianski, man. Fab. I. An. Ski. FABULANSKI, MORE LIKE. So assured! So composed! So catchy! When you consider he spent the minutes before the beginning of the first leg outside the stadium chatting to his mate Will, it goes to show just how quickly things can change in this here world of football.

We did have a couple of opportunities, no one being on the end of another Theo cross around the thirty minute mark. By this stage the stadium was absolutely dead, unless all those notoriously incredible German fans were all cheering for Giroud and Cazorla throughout. The atmosphere felt a bit Camp Nouy really, or maybe a bit Highbury-when-we-were-goodish. They were stunned they were losing. I don’t believe all the people who reckon they were crapping themselves, because they still had a two goal cushion – it seemed to me they were more a little pissed off their team of machines were losing to these yahoos.

Speaking of which, in the second half Robben got a lot more into the game, and a lot more annoying. What you wearing tights for, you fool. Get up. Rosicky was given a yellow card for a foul on him, really he should have been given a biscuit. Mertesacker was also later booked for being ran into by Robben. Per should get an iced bun. Bayern had plenty of speculative shots from long range, presumably because we were defending pretty tightly for a change. Giroud also had his matchly Hollywood shot. No, babes. No

After a very clever little pass from (someone in red?), Robben found himself basically one on one with Fabianski, but was confronted by a Finnish-Polish-English hybrid on his way to goal. Behold: JENKIANSKI. A super save from the Pole in Goal was aided by an onrushing Jenkinson who had nothing on his mind but ruining Tights Boy’s day.

Gervinho was brought on for one final attempt at scoring, and SO NEARLY did it. Cazorla passed, Gerv swerved like only a Gerv can, and his attempt went just wide. WHY WAS NO ONE THERE. Heartbreakingly, the nearest player to getting on the end of it was probably Jenkinson. If he’d have scored then, I think Hollywood would have packed up and gone home.

Our second goal was scored by another Tours Old Boy, when Koscielny headed in Cazorla’s corner. A battle then ensued when Manuel Neuer decided he wanted a cuddle with the ball for a while. I think we all knew it was too late, but nevertheless what a wonderful time for a goal.

Three minutes added on and then we were out. When all’s said and done, we’re still out, but what a performance when a performance was needed. Everyone knows it’ll mean nothing if they don’t carry it on into the remaining ten fixtures of the season, but when you’ve known this team as long as us, let’s not hold our breaths. But see what you’re capable of?! Do that again. Just do exactly that! So simple. So, so simple.

Jenkinson, Gibbs, and Fabianski were stand-out. Fabianski hadn’t played a match for us since February 2012. That’s ridiculous. An Almunia-esque renaissance against the big boys. Jenkinson just proves that if you just bloody well try, you can do most things. In addition to his performance on the pitch, his dismissal of Geoff Shreevesafterwards was just beautiful. An outstanding human, I’m sure you’ll agree. Oh, and here is my photo of the night (from Tumblr).

Rambo and Gibbs <3

So we bow out gracefully once again. Ugh. Still, it’s one in the eye to the reams and reams of articles by randoms hailing Bayern the best thing in the whole world. As well as Podolski having become the first to score against them in 600 or so minutes in the first round, we kept our sheet clean against them and became the first to do so in donkeys’ years. When push came to shove, they were whingy little Winnies and their fans were pants… hey, they really are a big team! One of these days we’ll do a result like that and it will send us through to the next round. Maybe next year. Third time lucky.

Best Team In The Whole World 3 –  3 Arsenal

(on some shit outdated rule from back when teams used to row there, Bayern go through.)

It’s remained fairly positive (and wrong) throughout, which really hasn’t done it very much good, to be completely honest with you. Eternally hopeful and perpetually disappointed, you could say. But no matter, it will continue on in this very same fashion as long as we continue to see those ever so slightly teasing flashes of brilliance that come and go so often at the Arsenal.

What would be amaaaaaazing is if this birthday was marked by a ridiculous turnaround of fortunes and the most hilarious day of all of our lives with a 0-3 win over Bayern Munich. I mean, Ribery and Schweinsteiger are out, so we probably will, you know.

Anyway, superblog extravaganza fiesta times if that happens! If not, well there’s Swansea to focus on next. So this is just to say that I’m sorry the quality has gone down somewhat (on this blog, but imagine if people who write blogs could affect the goings on on the football pitch!), but it will endeavour to keep up the party line of “WE CAN DO IT” as long as it breathes air. As my main man Roald Dahl once said: “If you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.”

Thanks for continuing to read/comment/humour, and thank you to the girls who’ve contributed over the past three years as well (@r_zana, @gabiboyd, @binhaf, and FunGunner!) Thanks to Sam for bullying me into beginning it, and Arseblog for hosting it. I’ve met Bobby, and Nigel, and had Lee Dixon answer some questions annnnnnd won an award since it began. I say ‘I’ and not ‘we’ because, well, there’s just me and it always sounds a bit dumb when people say ‘we’ rather than ‘I’ when there’s only an ‘I’ because we’re not Queen Victoria now are we? I.

Continuing with the self-centred theme here, here’s the second Google Hangout I hosted featuring Andrew Allen and Akhil Vyas. Also, lovely beIN Sport host Kay Murray interviewed me for her The Scoop feature on Arsenal.  Oddly enough Kay was also featured in my second ever blog post back in 2010, how time flies! Finally, don’t let the grim title put you off, but here’s the latest LPGcast podcast  recorded in the aftermath of the Spurs defeat. Don’t worry, we’d convinced ourselves we were going to beat Bayern Munich by the end of our conversation, so it’s not all horrible although three people have told me they thought I was going to cry while talking about Tommy V. Which is almost true. Que pasa Tommy?!

That’ll be all then, and again thank you.

Self-destruct button well and truly squished then. We’re like Pheobe’s smoke alarm in that Friends episode where they’re up all night. And you know, there is a reset button. It’s just that, like Phoebe, we’ve smashed the crap out of the smoke alarm itself, completely disconnecting that reset button, and now it’s pointless trying.

It’s getting a little bit boring keep thinking: “No, this is the match we play OK. This is it. I can definitely feel it, three points coming right up.” And then that just not happening at all. If we’re bored of that, surely some of the players are bored of it too? And Arsene? I don’t really buy the idea they don’t care (though it’s very easy to sometimes wonder) – but surely getting yourself geared up for a game and then letting it go in such spectacularly stupid fashions time and time again must be somewhat tiresome?

However, while there were a lot of disheartening things about yesterday’s match in the shittest part of North London (maybe all of London, maybe all of the world, to be completely honest with you), the most, to me, was the fact there was something missing in terms of how much anyone on that pitch appeared to want to be there or at least comprehend the gravity of the situation. It’s such a wishy washy concept I know, and maybe the easiest potential answer to point to, but Tottenham’s players were all clearly in pursuit of their win. They were obviously sick of being second best in these here parts. Last season, ours were sick of being told they were useless. That beautiful comeback was led by Bacary Sagna and his desire to hammer ‘ze enemy’. Tomas Rosicky too, his goal celebration was just a small indication of how much he wanted to win that game. Admittedly, he too looked like he was there for three points yesterday. But Bacary wasn’t playing, and I was gutted about that even before kick off, and not only because this would have been another Sunderland performance by him I’m sure. His replacement Carl Jenkinson is by virtue of his position not normally a player to stand out, but he was still one of our best two players yesterday – does that not tell you that wanting to win a game more than your opponent and being pissed off at the idea of not winning it normally helps one raise one’s game? I know it’s a very simple thought, but I’m just getting a little fed up of that helpless look in the eye of every player every single time we concede another stupid goal these days. Get mad AND get even, not poxing well melancholy!

In fact, if you’re a member, make sure you watch Jenkinson’s interview after the game. Normally a bit nervous in front of the camera, he really looks like he’s just pissed off having to talk about it. He gives the usual spiel about pushing on bla di bla, but I don’t think he believes it any more than I do. The interview begins with a mention that as an Arsenal fan, he’s probably feeling it more than most – WHY is that the case?! You don’t have to have grown up going to Highbury or the Emirates every other week to want to beat SPURS. They are SPURS! They are gross and have a shit stadium and the wankiest fans known to man.. and you’re PROFESSIONAL BLOODY FOOTBALLERS, HOW HARD CAN IT BE?!

Jack Wilshere was not his usual Jack-like self, and as well as being knackered, I can’t help but wonder if all the “ENGLAND AND ARSENAL SAVIOUR JACK WILSHERE” crap being slung around by every Tom, Dick and Harry that ever did tweet, is starting to get to him. It’s almost like we shouldn’t be putting the future of one 21-year-old ahead of that of a 126-year-old club, a novel idea I know! And then there were the goals. For the first half an hour we looked the better team. I almost started to wonder whether all the pre-match butterflies had been a waste of time. And then, as is so often the case these days, it happened again.

You can talk until you’re blue in the face about the attitude of any number of our players yesterday, but that’s probably skirting the issue because once again three minutes made 36 minutes of promising football pointless. On both occasions someone switched off. Our second saw Vermaelen just stand still. You can argue that Monreal’s lack of English in this situation maybe stopped him from being able to fully communicate the situation to him as an onrushing Lennon cut in behind the captain, but really you don’t need that much to go “MAN! MAN BEHIND! MOVE, LOOK, BLOCK, DO SOMETHING!” Even a guttural roar would have done it really. Maybe he did gutturally roar, but if he did Vermaelen didn’t react. I’m absolutely baffled and absolutely heartbroken by how his season is panning out, by the way.

Our attack was about as toothless as any desire to stop goals and stuff as well. I love Giroud (I don’t love his incessant moaning), but he could use some help up there. Theo might have been super-quality yesterday but we’d not know because he wasn’t around for much of it. An earlier introduction of Podolski would have been useful because otherwise our best chance fell to Ramsey, who was the other one in that all-British top two list of players who weren’t pointless yesterday. Yeah we rattled them a bit in the second half but even with a goal pulled back, how can you trust that you’re going for an equaliser when you can’t trust that you’ll not concede another in doing so?  Two goals, completely out of nothing. 7amkickoff described it best in his Arsenal: By the Numbers column for Arseblog today: “Once again Arsenal made a pile of shit smell like a rose.”

Now talk has turned to the fact there’s still 30 points up for grabs, which is understandable and the only thing to be done I suppose. Even as one of the few remaining optimists though, you have to wonder that when our longest winning streak thus far is so few games, whether we’ll win even half of those. Sure we could go on an unbeaten run. Sure, Spurs and Chelsea should drop points and sure it could go down to the wire once again, but when all’s said and done I remember the relief last season at thinking how we’d done it by the skin of our teeth and wouldn’t have to go through that again. Little did I know. AND I CAN’T GO THROUGH THAT AGAIN I JUST CAN’T. How many Fulops to the dozen? Probably just the one.

Worst case scenario is we miss out on Champions League and all the ramifications that will bring. But you know, in terms of missing the actual tournament itself, I’m not sure I’d be that bothered. I know everyone likes to talk finance and stuff, but really the main thing should be that you get to see some great football against some great teams (but obviously not as great as your team’s football, because otherwise you lose and it becomes a shit night). Normally it brings us some magical nights. Barcelona at home in 2011, Dortmund and Milan at home last year, but what have we had this season? Olympiacos was alright, Podolski’s goal against Montpellier was good, but other than that it’s all been a bit meh. The whole season has been really.

Of course, having said all of this we could now go on to beat Bayern Munich and push the favourites out of the competition completely, which would just mean absolutely eternal laughter right in people’s faces for the rest of all of our existences.

Or at least until the next round and the next stupid, stupid goal.

Who cares about Sunderland anyway.

Last week was… a low point to say the very least. It was an angry week as well. Anger at the results, anger at the team, anger at the manager, anger at the board, anger at Bayern Munich, anger at the substitutions in the Blackburn game. Just so, so angry. The main events of the week were as follows:

ARSENAL 0 – 1 BLACKBURN ROVERS    

Bleh, bad match. One of those ones you know within five minutes we’ll never score a goal. Then on came Santi Cazorla and Jack Wilshere and (someone else?) and focus went a bit wonky and everything went a bit drunk and we conceded a goal to the visitors through Colin Kazim-Richards who is apparently an Arsenal fan. What kind of shit fan scores against his team in the FA Cup?! Christ, Colin.

It was awful because I love that goddamned cup, and most people love that goddamned cup, and now we ain’t gonna win that goddamned cup. Until next year anyway! *iPhone Spanish dancing lady*

 WENGER PRESS CONFERENCE MELTDOWN

Hmmmmmm well now not really a meltdown was it, everyone? He was basically in a bad mood.  I too would be in a bad mood if I had an IQ of 247 and had to deal with endless questions at least once a week. I’d probably be in an even worse mood if everything I ever then said became a headline exclaiming absolutely nothing of the sort I had said. Wow that’s a terrible, terrible sentence. Anyhow, everyone had a nice old dig at him, then other people got on and went on about how easy he gets it in the press as compared with other managers. It was all hilarious, because we love to see the skinny foreign losing his marbles.

Watch this video from 17^th January 2013. It made me smile.

ARSENAL 1 – 3 BAYERN MUNICH

We were beaten, and well beaten, by Bayern Munich. It wasn’t quite the 4-0 of February 2012, but then that defeat wasn’t brought about by a brilliant AC Milan as much as it was brought about by a poor Arsenal. This Bayern Munich side were, however, really good. They scored their chances, which is always useful, and we were very poor in the first half. They looked momentarily rattled in the second half as Lukas Podolski (who else?) scored from a corner that apparently wasn’t a corner, but they rallied afterwards to score a third. We’ll now need to win 0-3 in Munich next month. Doesn’t seem likely, does it? ‘Football’s coming home’ sang the Bayern Munich fans, which made me laugh because football literally did go home right into their faces last season and they bottled it, so you know I’d pipe down a little, but nevertheless well done on supporting a very good team and all that. Schweinsteiger’s out for the second leg.

FLATTENED BY ARSENAL ARTICLE AVALANCHE 

Everyone’s an expert, eh? About seventeen hundred and fifty billion articles cropped up out of nowhere from Wednesday morning onwards, by people who don’t normally even watch English or German football. What’s all that about? Giroud was shit, Wenger was shit, Szczesny was shit, the Emirates was shit, our midfield was shit, everything was shit. Apparently. In much the same way as an article popped up about how our heavy defeat to AC Milan at the time last year had the potential to send the Premier League further down the coefficient table in the Champions League, I’m very much waiting for an article on how Tuesday’s defeat to Bayern Munich has sent house prices in Islington plummeting. #BlameArsenal

SUNDAY NIGHT’S ALRIGHT FOR GOOGLE HANGING WITH THE FELLAS

I ‘hosted’ (hahahahahahahahaha, in the loosest sense of the word) a Google+ Hangout featuring the men behind Arseblog, The Goonerholic, YankeeGunner, YouAreMyArsenal and Joe Mardon and Tim Stillman last night. It was live. Completely live, and there was no script. I know right? I felt like Wojciech Szczesny making my Premier League debut against Manchester United at Old Trafford. Anyhow, in spite of many worries about technical difficulties, it seemed to go off without too many hitches. Next time in order to avoid the silences I will, yes, direct questions at actual humans but in defence of all of us, we’d all logged into that hangout about seven minutes before it went live. Shityapants kinda territory yes, but it went well and it was fun, and I hope to get to host another one one day (it’s best I ask questions… look at the difference in knowledge levels up in that thing: I’ll stick to airy fairy blogs). Thanks to KASEY for organising it for SWOL, amazing SWOL.

Anyway, enjoy and here’s to a better week. Playing the dutty Spuds next week, which everyone thinks is the game of the season but I can’t handle the pressure so la la la la la la not listening enjoy your week.

I wrote a little su’m su’m about Cesc Fabregas. Yes, no longer an Arsenal player, but yes, still Arsenal affiliated in ma little heart. It was for the wonderful SWOL, who are currently running an Arsenal month on the site. Lots of brilliant writers have contributed thus far (plus me obvs), and will be continuing to do so over the next little while, so dive in.

We’ve got Sunderland and their horrid pitch tomorrow, and are also missing about 25 defenders which is not ideal, but a win would be the balm to our unhappily chapped winter lips (wtf). ALSO, we got another Spaniard in the late, late, late stages of the January transfer window! Nacho Monreal had a successful debut against nasty Stoke on Saturday, in a match in which we beat them excellently, because we got to celebrate one Lukas Podolski goal TWICE. They were Stokey as ever, hoofy and horrible and all had weird head shapes, plus their horrible fans brought along a blow up doll and did nasty things to it, which was so disturbing and horrible, like their faces. Then the comedy gnome Parody Pulis And His Cap went all ‘Waaaaaaaah, we’re pooooooor’ in his interview afterwards, and we all went ‘Hahahahahahahaha’ and then they went back to Stoke and the sun came back out in London.

Then it was internationals, and Jack shone bright like a diamond (I HATE THAT SONG), and everyone noticed, and how do we stop them from noticing?! He’s not theirs to enjoy, he’s ours. And the Mancs who were all “Ah, we’ll buy him in a couple of years” can go eat their own hair while wearing their stupid table cloth home shirts or alternatively their geisha girl away kits. I HATE THEM TOO.

Laurent Koscielny got injured for France (THANKS, POINTLESS INTERNATIONALS*), so we’re sweating on him but it sounds like he may be available. Everything crossed. We worried for a while that Rosicky got injured too (it’s something he would do, let’s be real) but apparently he just… had a Radcliffe-esque toilet issue. Which one would have thought would have helped him to get away from anyone trying to close him down, no? These squeamish footballers.

Speaking of Radcliffe, I’m hopefully going to be running a half marathon in October, for a lovely little charity near where I live. Should I complete it, it will be my biggest running achievement since I won the 100m aged nine, after the skinny malink in the lead tripped up. That’s why it paid to be a bit heffery as a bairn. Anyway, that’s my news.

See ya after Sunderland.

(*they had one point to them.)

That’s how I imagine tomorrow’s transfer window closure to play out, much as the window metaphors that have been thrown around all month are beyond irritating. While it seemed unthinkable after our dismal draw away to Southampton on 1st January that we wouldn’t bring any new players in, that seems to be the road we’re going down. I’m imagining the flyer carried in through the window with that gust of wind landing on the lens of the camera with ‘WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!’ scrawled across it.

Either that or David Villa will be carried in head first through that window too, Genie-like. Seems unlikely though. In as much as the arrival of the 31-year-old would no doubt lift the team and the fans and, er, potentially the league position, it seems like that would just be too obvious an option. No, we’re probably just going to have to crawl our way towards the end of the season.

Again.

But hey ho, it’s not all grim. Theo signed! Olivier scored four goals in one week! We were absolutely magnificent against West Ham last week! And this is actual football, the stuff you’re actually supposed to care about, so that’s the main thing. With fixtures still coming at us with the ferocity of aforementioned blizzard, we’re of course playing again today. I’m a bit nervous, because of what happened against Liverpool at home last season, when we deserved more from the game than we got, but when we lost, which is always miserable. Liverpool will have far more to offer than West Ham did, so please God let us, in turn, have more.

Sorry for the blog post title – you’ve no idea how much the phrase ‘keeping our powder dry’ makes me want to eat my own eyes. And not even because of what it means – though a recent Googling tells me it’s in reference to keeping gunpowder dry, because gunpowder doesn’t work when it’s wet, silly! Apt given we are the Gunners but anyway, I thought it had something to do with the pen at the bank that’s attached to the wall, which now I think about it was always accompanied by a wet sponge, so god knows why I thought that. But because anything anyone related to Arsenal says, becomes some kind of long and drawn out trending topic afterwards. Handbrake, dry powder, super quality, like a new signing, oh shut up shut up shut uppppppppp.

Ooh, before I forget, I spoke to my Granny about Arsenal for the Arsenal Collective. Have a look at her thoughts, she’s very wise. Thanks Andrew for hosting it on the site.

Anyway, hopefully tonight’s match will be an enjoyable one, and that we won’t get blown away by the weather. It’s my birthday tomorrow, so hopefully I’ll be far too involved with birthday food to worry about who we may or may not (may not, definitely may not) be signing. Stay strong guys, it’s nearly all over.

PS. Thanks Irishgray for reminding me to blog!